Because my brain feeds me a lot of ideas and they pull at me. But to accomplish anything meaningful, I have found that I really need to pare down and focus. Right now I have too many things I'm working on, so that when there is finally a little chunk of time for me to work, I'm not sure what to dedicate my time to. Frankly, I don't really like working and living like that; I prefer when I have THE THING that I'm working on or working toward. Freelancing for KCBX, our local NPR affiliate, was great for that. Deadlines are creatives best friends. Without them, we might just float down a river of awesome ideas, never bringing anything to shore.
I have three big things I want to do right now.
Edit the very rough manuscript of Let The Dog Sing, the memoir/ research book about the middle of life and my experience psychedelic therapy.
A screenplay for Murray: A Novel. At least once every two weeks, my friend Chip Wakins calls me to ask me if I'm working on it. He uses profanity.
There's a fiction book I want to write called MOMMY DEAD. Terrible title, yes! I know! It's just a placeholder (Derek told me it was the worst title ever--but it will make sense when you read the book!) I just have to write it. I see it, like Murray, on the screen...
And that's just the big projects. The problem is all the time that gets eaten up by the little things. I've got things to return to Target and World Market; I've got library books to return; a hot tub to clean; plants to water; a living room rug covered in animal hair; Derek's car needs an oil change; the front yard is a mess; the garage needs to be organized; I need to donate a pile of things; there are dustbunnies under the bed; laundry to wash, fold, and put away; sheets to change; a dog to walk and a cat to pet ( as I type this, I've got one arm under and one arm over my old cat who is purring on my lap). Here she is on another morning.
There are checks to write; emails to answer; people to call to let them know I love them; I want to surf more and better; I would love to take a hike. Charlie has water polo games Tuesday and Thursday; a friend gave me his book to read; my mom feels neglected; I need to redesign my website; we're hosting Thanksgiving this year; I need to figure out Charlie's lodging when he goes to Barcelona this January to study for a semester. What's for dinner???
How do books ever get written?
(especially by women?)
That's actually why I've enjoyed my little nighly deadline. You know how you're ending your day, Mel Senn. You're putting some words down and hitting publish, for better or worse. You're building a muscle. You're doing a streak with your self.
It's so incredibly difficult to carve out time for your thing. And it's so important to do so. The feeling of being focused, "locked in," as Charlie puts it, is such a satisfying feeling... and when you are ... you can move mountains...
or at least tell some good stories.
So.
Tomorrow?
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