For almost two decades, I stood in front of a classroom trying to convey a message. I was always so nervous, so self-doubting. And then, at 50-years old, I left. That was 3 years ago, and it was an utter relief.
And then a few months ago, I agreed to do a workshop for the Central Coast Writers Conference, which is five days from now. But you know what? I'm EXCITED. I'm talking about Historical Fiction and Fan Fiction. I've been preparing for the talk for weeks, but I dedicated most of today to starting to put together my Keynote / Powerpoint. At the beginning, I almost panicked. My presentation is so lame! It reminded me of being at Cal Poly, presenting my rudimentary slides, only to have students come up to do presentations that were infinitely better than mine in so many ways: Not only were many of the presentations visually beautiful and logically persuasive; many of the students presented their awesome presentations with more confidence and savvy than I could ever muster.
Nevertheless, I found Stephen Gates "The Crazy One" and his video and worked on my presentation all day today while watching it and practicing what his suggestions.
And I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER.
We need teachers. We need guides and mentors. I told one of the presenters at Pacifica this weekend about how worried I was about presenting this coming weekend at the writing conference. He said "Ah, the tyranny of expectation." That' exactly it! Well, what if I could just be confident? What if I put together my presentation and practice it and believe in it (after all, I'm putting my heart and soul into it) and have fun with it, even trust that I'm bringing value, usefulness, and even inspiration to my audience? That's my biggest goal and hope, afer all.
Anyway, I'm grateful to people who put their stuff out there so that I can make my stuff more achievable. And maybe my stuff will make someone else's stuff achievable. And isn't that the best part of living in this world?
UPDATE: This ended up being the beginning of my presentation. Everyone was so generous, and I ended up enjoying it. Preparing--over preparing!-- helped. That is something I learned from Susan Cain in Quiet. People bought my book, asked me to sign it; talked to me about their own writing. It was community, and lovely!
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